Black Card Sure to Put You in the RED

Today's trip to the mailbox was a little more exciting than most days. I lifted the top to reveal an invitation to receive an EXCLUSIVE VISA BLACK card. OK, so it's not as exciting as Ed McMahon announcing I may have won a million dollars, but it's pretty close. The heavy black envelope and glossy mailer certainly stand out from the rest of the junk mail. Visa's marketing department is working overtime, evidently they are running out of ways to bilk people out of their hard-earned cash. This is how the "offer" reads:

Dear T-,

By invitation, you have been PRE-QUALIFIED to receive the exclusive Visa Black Card. Limited to only 1% of US residents, Black Card members are ensured the highest caliber of personal service. Cardmembers enjoy a 24-hour Concierge Assistant, Exclusive Rewards program, and Luxury Gifts from some of the world's top brands. Made with carbon, the Visa Black Card is guaranteed to get you noticed.

Blah, blah, the marketing garbage goes on and on, until you get to the part where you find that this honor will only cost $495/year. What?!? Hold on just a minute. You mean people actually PAY for the privilege of using a particular credit card? It's even more insulting when you see the interest rate they intend to charge you while you're turning heads. The real tragedy is that someone is actually taking them up on this offer to appear elite.

My favorite part of the marketing propaganda is where Visa touts its carbon card as the ultimate buying tool. What they fail to mention is that all credit cards are polyvinyl chloride acetate, and therefore carbon-based. (And Dr. Kadunce didn't think I paid attention through those 2 years of Organic Chemistry.) Maybe I'll get a can of black spray paint and elevate my check card from its ordinary status.

Silliness aside, I overheard Courtney's friend ask her mom the meaning of vanity last night. Going into debt for the sake of getting noticed should be added to the official Webster's definition. So thanks, but no thanks Visa, I'll enjoy my time in the black - without your prestigious and versatile credit card.